THE JOURNAL OF STEPHANIE FAINGA'A

"Everyone will have advice on how to raise your child. Be polite, listen and bank it but only you will know what is right for your baby/child".

Tell us your quick back story:

I grew up in Canberra where I met my husband, Anthony at the Australian Institute of Sport when I was seventeen. Fifteen years later, we now have two beautiful girls Malia (4) and Gia (3).

Before becoming a mother I was fortunate enough to play football (soccer) at a professional level representing Australia and I also played overseas. I lived in New York for a period of time where I worked at an International Advertising Agency as a Strategist – which I absolutely loved! 

I’ve always been a very hands-on, busy, driven person – I learned from juggling multiple  balls in the air - sports, study and a career. When I do something I put everything into it and I try to be the very best I can be. I lean even more so this way when things get tough.

I feel all of this has translated into my parenting style….! To this day I still struggle to accept help with the kids and think I can balance it all.

Describe briefly what you thought motherhood would be like, before you actually became a mother!

I always knew being a mother/parent wasn’t going to be easy.

The pressures of raising your child with love, keep them safe, educate them and instil respect and your values in them to be resilient in this evolving world. And we do all of this whilst being sleep deprived… sounds like a walk in the park right? This didn’t scare me though - it challenged me (my competitive, ‘just do it’ nature coming through).

I knew my lifestyle and the freedom which I took for granted would be challenged and I was quite at ease with that. What I did fear was being responsible for another human who was solely dependent on me for survival when I was still relatively young myself at the time being 27 – and scared of something as simple as taking the bins out at night - haha!

Did you have any ‘lightbulb moments’ about your sense of self after you became a mother?

I was ready to be a mum! I was the first of all my friends and siblings to have a baby so I only ever saw imagery of contented mums pushing their prams in the street and I couldn’t wait for that to be me! 

At the time, we’d moved to Japan for my husband’s career, playing professional rugby - I didn’t have a working Visa and we were newlyweds - so we thought, no better time than now to start our family!

When the time came I had so much confidence in being a Mum yet I knew nothing. A few days after Malia was born my father-in-law passed away overseas and Anthony flew to Tonga for a few weeks. It was a really difficult time – grieving, whilst finding my feet being a new Mum, trying to be in the moment and enjoy the newborn bubble, while dealing with a rare condition called D-MER.  It doesn’t get easier but things certainly did feel more familiar and comfortable as time went on.  We had my little girl Gia really soon after our firstborn, Malia and so raising a one-year-old and a newborn in Japan, without our family and Anthony always at work or travelling - I learnt to deal pretty quickly!

We’ve now moved back home to Australia and the girls are that little bit older and are at Kindy and Childcare. Every week, I have one free day where the kids are in care and I use this time to relax and invest in myself. It didn’t come easily but I now absolutely love it!

Since having children I have learnt patience and selflessness. Being an athlete, you’re driven to be the best and ultimately to be somewhat selfish in order to succeed.

Motherhood has helped me grow into a more loving fun person to be around. Being a mum and surrounding myself with other positive open mothers puts life's little trivial events into perspective and has helped me identify what is important and not sweat the small stuff. I am still quite sociable but in a different way, I’ve swapped late nights out with the girls for weekend picnics, family BBQs and kids birthday parties.

Describe in a handful of words the woman you feel you are today.

A stronger, patient, more confident woman and proud selfless mum.

What piece of advice or learning, would you like to pass onto other mums?

Learn patience, look after yourself and have confidence. Everyone will have advice on how to raise your child. Be polite, listen and bank it, but only you will know what is right for your baby/child.